Trying To Understand

Sigh...today we try to understand God's will. We heard back from Katelyn's Fund today. We were denied. They didn't say why, but we do know they get hundreds of applications a month, and we are guessing there was just someone more qualified than us. We're not sure if we can reapply (some grants allow you to do that), but if we can, we will. This was $3,000 and to be completely honest with you all, we were counting on getting this for sure. We just never thought even once we would be denied a grant. It is very hard for me (Vanessa) to understand why God would do this. :( Please pray with me that God would show me understanding. Chris came home at lunch and while we were talking about it he was so upbeat. I could not understand why he would be so upbeat and honestly it made me mad. Then, he shared with me that I am not trusting God. He said, you just never know how God will provide and that He isn't going to let us down. It makes sense, I know in my mind that Chris is right. For now though, I just feel like crying and questioning God on how in the world He will provide.

Sigh...see at least I'm honest! :) This blog serves a two fold purpose for us as well. It's a way to let you all know where we are at in the process and it is also a way to vent/share our thoughts. Keep us uplifted in your prayers. Pray that God would show me (specifically) understanding and His will in all of this.

Praise God!

Quick update before we head to bed! We heard back from the Match Fund today. We received a grant of $1,000! Now to some that may be nothing, especially when you are looking at average adoptions costing $15,000-$20,000, but to us this is encouragement and an answer to prayer! Just think, we are one step closer to holding this baby in our arms!

Thank you to those of you who prayed and encouraged us in this waiting time. Now we wait again, but we wait with hope. We truly believe God is going to do a miracle not only to show us, but to show those of you who are supporting us along the way!

So, tonight we sign off with a huge PRAISE GOD!!!!!

Some news...finally!

Praise God! I just told Chris last night that he better be praying we hear something soon on these grants. I was literally going crazy just waiting. I hate waiting as it feels like I am doing nothing. So today, in the midst of kind of a bad afternoon (Zoelle refused to nap), I received a call. It was from the Match Fund. Chris had told me when they called a few weeks ago, that they were meeting on January 10th to discuss us. Well apparently, they met on January 13th and Chris misunderstood them. Either way, January 13th was some time ago, so I wanted to find out what they had decided. Apparently...nothing! They are a church that does these funds and they met as a board, but had so many things to talk about that they never got to us. :) Phew! It is a relief for me to know at least that we didn't get voted out of getting anything. They are now meeting quickly this Sunday and it sounds promising, so keep us in your prayers. Also, if you all could pray we hear back from more grants that would be great. As soon as we hear back and know an approximate financial number, we can get our homestudy out there to birthmoms. As I told my mom this afternoon, "I would be devastated if we never got to adopt, as adoption is so in our hearts!". That is just truly the heart of us wanting to adopt!

Below is an adorable video I got of Zoelle tonight at dinner. Since she was a baby, her and Chris have sang and danced to "Cinderella" by Steven Curtis Chapman. About a month ago, Chris and I were shocked when we heard Zoelle quietly singing it to herself in her highchair. Well tonight, I finally got it on video. I'm not sure if you can understand all the lyrics, but if you know the song, I am pretty sure you will. Just adorable! :)

While We Wait

We are still waiting on news. We haven't heard anything yet, so please keep praying. So...while we wait, I thought I would show you all some adorable video and a picture of our little Zoelle Grace (who is now 19 months old). I was just sharing with a friend that I don't post a lot of Zoelle pictures on here because it is a blog for our adoption. Maybe someday, I will create a family blog. However, Zoelle is a HUGE part of the adoption, so I have to include some pictures. :)

The above picture is really special to me for two reasons (yes, I do realize it is terribly out of focus). 1. We have very little pictures of Zoelle sleeping as she is an extremely light sleeper and wakes up if she even slightly hears us. 2. This was my "Reddy Teddy" as a little girl that I slept with every night until I got married! She has since "adopted" Reddy Teddy as her own, which is just precious to me. If I can ever find it, I will show you a picture of me with Reddy Teddy when I was just a little older then Zoelle.

The video below is of her dressing up in daddy's gloves and ear muffs. She then proceeded to immediately begin singing her abc's, which I only got half of! Sorry it's the wrong way, I always forget that!

Breakdown

Hi everyone! Or at least I hope there are some of you who read this still. :) I actually have told a few people in the last couple of days that I wonder if anyone reads this, or if I am just talking to myself! Ha! So, if you are reading, feel free to comment on here, or even tell me in person. I love that, as it is very encouraging to Chris and I to hear from those of you who are faithful in your prayers for us.

Have you been praying lately? Saturday is our first BIG official day on the first grant. We have been seeking the Lord all week. On Sunday, we had one of the elders of the church pray with us for these grants. He asked us if we had a specific amount in mind for the grants. We answered honestly, that we don't. We just are trusting that God knows how much this adoption will cost. He also knows that we would like to stay out of debt. So, we trust in Him to provide the money through grants and faithful givers. This elder then went on to share with us a verse from the Bible. It was so amazing how it pertained to our exact situation, that I must share it with you.

"I tell you the truth, the things you don't allow on earth will be the things God does not allow. And the things you allow on earth will be the things that God allows. Also, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about something and pray for it, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. This is true because if two or three people come together in my name, I am there with them."

Matthew 18:18-20

We are claiming this completely this week, and all throughout this grant process.

I wanted to breakdown each of the grants that we have applied for so that you may be praying specifically for each one.

*Match Fund-this is the grant that meets on Saturday to discuss our application.
*Micah Fund-they have received our application and should be calling soon for an interview.
*God's Grace Adoption Ministry-have not heard anything yet-please pray we will soon.
*Katelyn's Fund-have not heard anything yet-please pray we will soon.
*Gift of Adoption Fund-in the process of finishing application, almost complete.
*Shaohannah's Hope-have not started this yet, hopefully start and complete this week.

In all of our searching, I believe these are the only specific grants that we can apply for in regards to our adoption situation. Each grant varies in the amount they give. Our prayer is a bold one in which we could get the maximum amount for each grant. Please continue to pray for us as we approach each of these grant application processes.

I cannot wait to come on here and share what God has done for us in these grants. I am so confident that it will be because of your faithful prayers and giving, and through these grants, that one day soon, we will bring our little baby home.