This morning we were able to have another wonderful phone conference with our birthmother. I am constantly amazed at the strength she has to place this child. Over the years, I've met many people who have had a lot of negative things to say about birthmoms, but I told her today that I will ever attribute to anyone, including this child, to thinking anything but the best about her. The love she has for this baby is far greater than I could even imagine. To be willing to give your child away to someone because you know you can't do it on your own, that is love. Sacrifice. Amazing.
As of now, we told her our plan is to come as soon as possible after the birth. She cried. It really is her hearts desire. Yes, we realize we are taking a risk. We don't want to get our hearts broken either. But, at this point, either way if she backs out, they will get hurt. We trust that God will heal them if they do. In the meantime, we are praying for Him to protect us and for this adoption to be completed.
We do have a couple of prayer requests. We had 2 grants tell us this week that they don't have money for us. That was a disappointment for sure. One of those, we can apply for again at any point before finalization. However, we found out tonight that we are getting another grant, which is a huge praise! We don't know the amount yet, but we are praying that God would be faithful in completing what He has called us to. We are NOT giving up hope that He can provide for every last penny for this adoption!!
That brings me to asking for prayers for travel again. We have to fly, we know that much. Our van, which would be the only vehicle we could drive down there is broken and we don't trust it to make it down there and back in one piece. Plus, Chris will have to fly back sooner and doesn't want me driving back alone. We ultimately decided not to take Zoelle. I'm sad about it, but with Chris coming home in a matter of days, she won't be without at least one of us for long.
I'm going to ask shamelessly here that if anyone has any frequent flier miles that they would be willing to donate for this cause, we would so appreciate it! It is looking like plane tickets on short notice could be quite expensive. Of course, God is bigger than that as well, and it is another prayer request that He could provide us with cheap tickets and stress free travel. There are so many logistics to still figure out with the travel, that we need prayer that God would make it all come together.
If any of you are willing to pray, we would so covet your prayers. I have had a few ask how they can help us. Honestly, financially is the best way right now. We truly believe that this adoption should and does not have to be done in debt. Otherwise, just keep praying and keep supporting us.
One more thing: talk to us about the adoption!!! Yes, I do not have a big belly on me, but I am still expecting a baby!! All you lurkers on here, this is you I am talking about. I do have a tracker on here and I know you read, yet you never comment. I treasure each comment and find such encouragement from them. So give me some comment love either on here or in real life! :)
Now, this mama to be is off to bed...
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
In search of: Clarity
So many thoughts are swirling thru my mind that I need to come blog to clear my head. Plus it helps you as my friends and family know what you need to pray about.
First of all, last Friday we were able to talk to "J" our birthmom by phone. I'm not going to share much about that phone call except to say that she is really an amazing woman who wants what is best for this baby. I was so nervous going into the phone call, but I left the phone conversation feeling as if it could not have gone any better. After our first jittery nervous laughter was over with we talked and talked. I honestly could have talked to her a lot longer but we all have our lives and had to go. We have another phone conference this Friday, so if you would all be in prayer for that to go just as smoothly, we would appreciate that.
The only request "J" has of us is that if we would trust her enough to be down there for either the birth or right after. We knew going into the phone conversation that if she asked this of us, we would be completely honest. So we were. We told her that we are scared and very nervous about the 10 day revocation time and that we need to pray about it. It is our desire that we be able to give her an answer by this Friday during our phone conference.
Some things you should know about us traveling. We feel very strongly about bringing both girls down with us. For one, I'm still nursing Meridian and 10 days without nursing would be way too hard on both of us. We would like to bring Zoelle with because she is very astute to what is going on and because we want this adjustment to go smoother for her than the adjustment to Meridian went. You should also know that once in Georgia, my Uncle and Aunt have so graciously allowed us to stay at their home. I cannot even begin to tell you what a relief that brings knowing we won't have to pay for a hotel stay. So basically, all we are trying to figure out now is when to travel and how to travel.
Here are the options we have right now:
1. It has always been my prayer that I could be at our adopted child's birth or as soon after as possible. This would be the ideal situation. Thus we would travel probably 24 hours after birth, because at this point the birthmom has at least signed papers. We would then wait the 10 days while ICPC (paperwork between the two states) went thru and for the revocation period to be done. Most likely at some point during those 10 days, Chris and Zoelle would go back home, while a friend would fly down to help me with baby and Meridian. It's too long for Chris to be gone from work thus he'd have to fly back. Risk: Birthmom changes her mind. Pros: We'd be there right away for bonding and I'd be able to breastfeed baby. Cons: We are out time and travel money if she changes her mind.
2. We wait for the 10 day revocation period to be up and then all travel down, do the ICPC paperwork and wait a few days, even weeks for that to go thru, then we go back. Again, depending on how long ICPC takes, Chris and Zoelle would go back earlier. Risk: None. Pros: No money or time is risked. Cons: We miss out on the first days of bonding and me on breastfeeding.
3. This option just came to me today. Meridian and I would travel down right away and wait, followed by just Chris at the end of the 10 day revocation period. However, I'm thinking this option may be out as ICPC cannot begin without Chris there and I would want that paperwork started right away so we didn't have to be away from home any longer than necessary. Risk: Birthmom changes her mind. Pros: We'd be there right away for bonding and I'd be able to breastfeed baby. Cons: We are out time and travel money if she changes her mind.
So far I'm liking option #1 the most and Chris is leaning more towards option #2. I'm thinking option #3 is probably out just because we want to start the paperwork asap!
As far as how to get there, that is a whole different problem. We really don't want to drive. Not with two kids (3 on the way back), 25 hours, and a vehicle that hasn't been the most reliable lately. Our other option is obviously to fly, but everything is so expensive and then I would feel terrible missing out on that money if during the 10 day period she didn't place. I wish money were not a factor, because if it weren't, I'd travel immediately!
Sigh....as you can see we are so conflicted. In every other area of this adoption, we feel peace. However, traveling and when to travel is a sea of confusion. Would you all please pray that God would give us a clear direction on how to travel and when?
First of all, last Friday we were able to talk to "J" our birthmom by phone. I'm not going to share much about that phone call except to say that she is really an amazing woman who wants what is best for this baby. I was so nervous going into the phone call, but I left the phone conversation feeling as if it could not have gone any better. After our first jittery nervous laughter was over with we talked and talked. I honestly could have talked to her a lot longer but we all have our lives and had to go. We have another phone conference this Friday, so if you would all be in prayer for that to go just as smoothly, we would appreciate that.
The only request "J" has of us is that if we would trust her enough to be down there for either the birth or right after. We knew going into the phone conversation that if she asked this of us, we would be completely honest. So we were. We told her that we are scared and very nervous about the 10 day revocation time and that we need to pray about it. It is our desire that we be able to give her an answer by this Friday during our phone conference.
Some things you should know about us traveling. We feel very strongly about bringing both girls down with us. For one, I'm still nursing Meridian and 10 days without nursing would be way too hard on both of us. We would like to bring Zoelle with because she is very astute to what is going on and because we want this adjustment to go smoother for her than the adjustment to Meridian went. You should also know that once in Georgia, my Uncle and Aunt have so graciously allowed us to stay at their home. I cannot even begin to tell you what a relief that brings knowing we won't have to pay for a hotel stay. So basically, all we are trying to figure out now is when to travel and how to travel.
Here are the options we have right now:
1. It has always been my prayer that I could be at our adopted child's birth or as soon after as possible. This would be the ideal situation. Thus we would travel probably 24 hours after birth, because at this point the birthmom has at least signed papers. We would then wait the 10 days while ICPC (paperwork between the two states) went thru and for the revocation period to be done. Most likely at some point during those 10 days, Chris and Zoelle would go back home, while a friend would fly down to help me with baby and Meridian. It's too long for Chris to be gone from work thus he'd have to fly back. Risk: Birthmom changes her mind. Pros: We'd be there right away for bonding and I'd be able to breastfeed baby. Cons: We are out time and travel money if she changes her mind.
2. We wait for the 10 day revocation period to be up and then all travel down, do the ICPC paperwork and wait a few days, even weeks for that to go thru, then we go back. Again, depending on how long ICPC takes, Chris and Zoelle would go back earlier. Risk: None. Pros: No money or time is risked. Cons: We miss out on the first days of bonding and me on breastfeeding.
3. This option just came to me today. Meridian and I would travel down right away and wait, followed by just Chris at the end of the 10 day revocation period. However, I'm thinking this option may be out as ICPC cannot begin without Chris there and I would want that paperwork started right away so we didn't have to be away from home any longer than necessary. Risk: Birthmom changes her mind. Pros: We'd be there right away for bonding and I'd be able to breastfeed baby. Cons: We are out time and travel money if she changes her mind.
So far I'm liking option #1 the most and Chris is leaning more towards option #2. I'm thinking option #3 is probably out just because we want to start the paperwork asap!
As far as how to get there, that is a whole different problem. We really don't want to drive. Not with two kids (3 on the way back), 25 hours, and a vehicle that hasn't been the most reliable lately. Our other option is obviously to fly, but everything is so expensive and then I would feel terrible missing out on that money if during the 10 day period she didn't place. I wish money were not a factor, because if it weren't, I'd travel immediately!
Sigh....as you can see we are so conflicted. In every other area of this adoption, we feel peace. However, traveling and when to travel is a sea of confusion. Would you all please pray that God would give us a clear direction on how to travel and when?
Friday, June 18, 2010
Psst...
I have a secret, except it's not really a secret if I tell you right?? Wanna know what it is?? Sure you do or you wouldn't be reading still right? What's that, you think I'm mean and you want me to get to the point...oh...ok...I suppose I could...
We are matched!! Woohoo! We are being cautiously excited, but it's hard to not allow ourselves to get involved. So to answer some questions.
When is baby due?
We were originally told August 9th, but that info has changed and it most likely will be in mid July.
Where is baby at?
Georgia
Will you travel to get baby?
Yes. This is a HUGE area of prayer. As of now, we don't know how we will get there (air/car) or where we will stay. We'd like to go down altogether as a family and would prefer to fly so that is what we are really asking God for.
Do we know the gender?
Yep, but we aren't sharing until he/she is here..sorry.
Where are you at financially?
God has been so, so, so amazing to us and has really been faithful in providing for this adoption! We still are relying mainly on grants to come thru, but we also know that nothing is impossible with God and that He will see us thru it to completion.
Any specific prayer needs?
1. Travel Arrangements: See above
2. Logistics: In Georgia the birthmom signs 24 hours after birth but then has 10 days (yes 10 days) to change her mind. We need to decide if we risk putting our emotions out there and the traveling expenses before the 10 days are over with. The birthmom would like us there at birth or as close to after birth as possible. We are asking God to guide us and give us a peace and direction.
3. Grants: We have about 5 grants that we are waiting for. Would you please pray that God would do above and beyond what anyone could expect? Also that it would be in the perfect time.
4. Our girls: Z especially had a very hard transition when Meridian was born. Our prayer now would be that the transition for all of us would be completely seamless.
5. The baby: For protection for it now and the birth. Also, our prayer is that this child would be an easy baby/child and that it will bring joy to all those around it.
Think we're crazy?
Who's to say what's impossible? Nothing is with God! And with that I say Amen!
We are matched!! Woohoo! We are being cautiously excited, but it's hard to not allow ourselves to get involved. So to answer some questions.
When is baby due?
We were originally told August 9th, but that info has changed and it most likely will be in mid July.
Where is baby at?
Georgia
Will you travel to get baby?
Yes. This is a HUGE area of prayer. As of now, we don't know how we will get there (air/car) or where we will stay. We'd like to go down altogether as a family and would prefer to fly so that is what we are really asking God for.
Do we know the gender?
Yep, but we aren't sharing until he/she is here..sorry.
Where are you at financially?
God has been so, so, so amazing to us and has really been faithful in providing for this adoption! We still are relying mainly on grants to come thru, but we also know that nothing is impossible with God and that He will see us thru it to completion.
Any specific prayer needs?
1. Travel Arrangements: See above
2. Logistics: In Georgia the birthmom signs 24 hours after birth but then has 10 days (yes 10 days) to change her mind. We need to decide if we risk putting our emotions out there and the traveling expenses before the 10 days are over with. The birthmom would like us there at birth or as close to after birth as possible. We are asking God to guide us and give us a peace and direction.
3. Grants: We have about 5 grants that we are waiting for. Would you please pray that God would do above and beyond what anyone could expect? Also that it would be in the perfect time.
4. Our girls: Z especially had a very hard transition when Meridian was born. Our prayer now would be that the transition for all of us would be completely seamless.
5. The baby: For protection for it now and the birth. Also, our prayer is that this child would be an easy baby/child and that it will bring joy to all those around it.
Think we're crazy?
Who's to say what's impossible? Nothing is with God! And with that I say Amen!
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
The way rumors start...
I need to clear up one thing. We are NOT switching agencies. Somehow my post about this was confusing. Instead, we were looking at putting our family profile books in more agencies. We got our home study done with an agency in our town and then they distribute our profile books in other agencies around the United States. Those are the agencies that we were looking for to put our profile book in. Just wanted to clear that up so that way rumors don't get started!
Thursday, June 10, 2010
A Big Thank You!
I would be so completely remiss if I did not come on here and thank my amazing friends and family for uplifting me when I am down. Within minutes of posting my depressing (sorry about that) post last night, I had friends commenting on here, and sending me private emails/messages encouraging me and letting me know they care. As I told one friend, it's honestly all I wanted, just to know that one person, just one, still cared about our adoption.
"But encourage each other every day while it is "today." Help each other so none of you will become hardened because sin has tricked you." Hebrews 3:13
That is what each and everyone of you did for me yesterday and today. You encouraged me and lovingly pointed out to me how God cared more than even I do and that He is still in control. It's what I needed to hear. I've often said that adoption has grown my walk with God more than ever, but at times I have often felt myself becoming hardened by the "game" around me. To see God work thru each of you to touch my spirits was exactly what I needed.
So a big THANK YOU!!
"But encourage each other every day while it is "today." Help each other so none of you will become hardened because sin has tricked you." Hebrews 3:13
That is what each and everyone of you did for me yesterday and today. You encouraged me and lovingly pointed out to me how God cared more than even I do and that He is still in control. It's what I needed to hear. I've often said that adoption has grown my walk with God more than ever, but at times I have often felt myself becoming hardened by the "game" around me. To see God work thru each of you to touch my spirits was exactly what I needed.
So a big THANK YOU!!
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
On our own...or so it seems
The old saying goes "You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar". I know it's so true, but often in adoption, I find it hard. Hard to not become bitter. Angry. Jaded. Hard not to spew words of anger when literally that is all I want to do. Yet, it's not truly what I want, nor what God wants me to do. So despite miscommunication and other things that I am not fully happy about, I will just use honey in my words.
Ok..moving on from that now...
We need prayer! Because of said miscommuncation, or lack of communication, we are researching/looking at finding agencies to place our profile book in. We are also completely overwhelmed. It seems like each agency promises to have a "placement within 14 days" or some such thing. We don't know what to do, where to go, and we need Godly direction and wisdom. Please, please, please pray that God would guide us as we look over each agency in the coming days and decide which ones we want our profile books in.
Speaking of profile books...we are also updating those to be more current as our girls are 3 and 1 now. Hopefully, that will "sell" us more. As much as I hate that term, in essence, that is what we are doing.
Overall, I just am feeling discouraged and overwhelmed today. In 4 months, our home study will expire. Realistically, I don't know if we will get matched or placed before then. That does not make me happy. It angers me, saddens me, discourages me and I need prayer!! We need prayer!! For everything!!
Ok..moving on from that now...
We need prayer! Because of said miscommuncation, or lack of communication, we are researching/looking at finding agencies to place our profile book in. We are also completely overwhelmed. It seems like each agency promises to have a "placement within 14 days" or some such thing. We don't know what to do, where to go, and we need Godly direction and wisdom. Please, please, please pray that God would guide us as we look over each agency in the coming days and decide which ones we want our profile books in.
Speaking of profile books...we are also updating those to be more current as our girls are 3 and 1 now. Hopefully, that will "sell" us more. As much as I hate that term, in essence, that is what we are doing.
Overall, I just am feeling discouraged and overwhelmed today. In 4 months, our home study will expire. Realistically, I don't know if we will get matched or placed before then. That does not make me happy. It angers me, saddens me, discourages me and I need prayer!! We need prayer!! For everything!!
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Childlike Faith
Two nights ago I stood in my husband's arms crying. Bawling actually. As I sobbed, I managed to choke out a few sentences. Why have we had to wait this long? I...just..want...to adopt. I don't understand. We just don't have the money. And then our precious little Z, our three year old, upon hearing the words adoption and money came to me and said, "Mom, I have money for the adoption". She then proceeds over to our coin jar and took out 35 cents (a quarter and a dime) and brought them to me with a smile on her face and said, "Here is the money for the adoption mama so you aren't sad". Aww...to have faith like a child again. Yet, I wasn't sad any more and she did put a smile on my face through the tears.
35 cents. That is all it took to change my spirit. My point is, you just never know. What you give may change someone's spirit, someone's outlook on their adoption, their mission, their passion. You just truly don't know. Every little bit counts, every little bit adds up to a bigger bit.
Are you willing to give your $5 to defend adoption? Are you ready to bring a child home? All it takes is $5. I can't wait to see what God can do with the faith of a child.
35 cents. That is all it took to change my spirit. My point is, you just never know. What you give may change someone's spirit, someone's outlook on their adoption, their mission, their passion. You just truly don't know. Every little bit counts, every little bit adds up to a bigger bit.
Are you willing to give your $5 to defend adoption? Are you ready to bring a child home? All it takes is $5. I can't wait to see what God can do with the faith of a child.
