Thoughts & Prayers

Sigh...I could never have imagined how good God would be to me in all of this. I need to post a little post about Xiomara's "birth story" which is really how God provided for us the whole way down there and while we were there. But first tonight, I wanted to share a few things.

Thank you for all your prayers for our adjustment! It has gone so smoothly. I don't think it could be any better than it is now. Chris and I are in awe of how easy it has been for Zoelle, Meridian, and us. Praise God.

Secondly, I wanted to ask for your prayers. We will hear from two grants this week, and as I told God last night in the shower, "Lord you have brought Xio to us, now please provide all the money needed and bless us above and beyond what we could imagine. Please let us be shocked at your faithfulness!". I don't want that just because I don't want the debt of this adoption (although that is true too). Instead, I want it to show how He has faithfully provided every step of the way in this adoption, and He will show us that, I know it! We also have one more grant that we can apply for one final time before our adoption is finalized and it is our prayer that God would show us when the proper time is for that, so that we can be accepted.

Lastly, would you all still be praying for "J". I realize that for those of you who have never adopted or adopted an older child, you may be wondering why "we aren't just done with her yet?". It's not that easy and it never will be. She is a part of our life because she is what gave our daughter life. She is struggling right now, not with her decision (as she feels very much so at peace with that). But instead with her emotions. She is sad and I'm sure she will be for the rest of her life. We would appreciate prayers for her.

Thank you all!!

Introducing...

July 6, 2010 a beautiful little girl was born at 3:37 a.m. Weighing 5 lbs. 14 oz. and 18 ¾ inches long. On July 8, 2010 she joined her forever family as Xiomara Marie. Pronounced See-o-mara


Xiomara means “prepared for battle” and we feel that is an accurate reflection of our adoption journey. Not only that, but it is our hope and our prayer that she would be prepared to battle for the Lord throughout her entire life. She is given the middle name of Marie as that is Vanessa’s middle name and we wanted to pass on to her part of our family as she is now ours.



We are settling into life as a family of 5 and we could not be happier. We hope you will all rejoice with us as the real journey of raising three girls begins now.

The one which I must write...

I must write this post even if I never publish it. Why? Because this is a side of adoption that I've never heard about. No one ever told me that I would feel extremely guilty as I watched our little girl's birthmom walk away from her forever. No one ever told me that I would cry each night for 10 days wondering if I did the right thing.

So, I think I will post this. The writing is therapy for me, but also I find that one day if someone is adopting, they may come across this post and it may help them in their emotions. So here goes..

Dear J,

I sit here today on day 10 of the revocation period. You have until tonight at midnight to change your mind, but I really don't think you will. On the outside, I'm rejoicing. I love this little girl that you have given me. It took us two years to get her, but she has been my dream for 13 years. She is amazing, beautiful, and perfect. I'm so incredibly grateful that you have given us a third daughter and that you chose to give her life. As I've told you before, I will do my best to be the mama that you wanted her to have.

All of that is on the outside, but on the inside, oh on the inside I hurt. I hurt for you and I hurt for her. For tonight at midnight it becomes final. One last goodbye so to speak. Once that time is over, you can never have her back and from one mama to another, my heart aches for you. I can only imagine the pain that you have today. I know you are doing what is best for her. I hurt for her because she won't ever truly "know" you and I wish somehow she could. But, that just won't happen as she will first and foremost know and feel that I am her mom and you are her birthmom.

In so many ways, it feels like it wasn't suppose to be this way. And in many ways, it wasn't. God didn't originally intend for me to be her mama, but instead you. However, God's ways are always greater than our own and He knew that you could not do it. That you loved her enough to give her away. I want to love her with that same amount of love and I will.

She is beautiful J. On the inside and out, just beautiful. I love her just as much as I love her two big sisters. Together as a family of 5 we feel complete. But, somewhere in Georgia, I know you feel incomplete and I know you always will. And for that I feel guilty and sad. I'm sorry you couldn't raise her. Not sorry that I get to raise her. But still, I'm sorry. I'll love her for always and forever.

So as I hold this precious little girl today in my arms for you, I'll know that you are holding her in your heart. I'll know that you love her. Despite the pain and guilt we are both experiencing, we both love the same little girl and we both will do our best for her. For you, that means giving her to me to raise. And for me, it means cherishing her and loving her as my own. And I will. I will.

Thank you!

With much love,

Vanessa

HOME!

We are home! Need I say more? Oh wait, I can say I am tired and need some good rest. Working on not getting stressed about housework, laundry, and taking care of three little girls. Instead I'm trying to soak in my happy Zoelle, enjoy the fussy/teething of Meridian, and sleep when my newest daughter sleeps.

I'll check in soon when I can be more coherent!

Homeward Bound

We got the call today that we are clear to go home! Woohoo! Praising God! If you all remember, I asked for your prayers in getting down here and I'm asking now for your prayers in getting home. Pray for smooth travel and TWO happy girls.

I'm so excited to get home and see my Zoelle. This is the longest I have ever been away from her, and only the second time I ever have. I'm also excited to meet my new niece India who was born July 8th, the same day that we got our baby girl. How fun to have little girl cousins so close in age.

Monday at midnight is when the 10 day waiting period ends and I am praying that all goes well. Please continue to pray for "J". I know that right now she is feeling at peace with her decision, but is also sad. I've been reflecting alot in the last few days and my heart is really aching right along with her. Yet, all the while rejoicing as I have another daughter. Pray for me as my emotions are sort of all over the place. On Tuesday, we will be announcing our new daughter's name and I can't wait. It will feel so real and final then.

Also, if you would all pray that our adjustment period at home is as smooth as can be I'd appreciate it. I'd like to get Meridian back on a schedule as she has been pretty "off" this week on both her emotions and schedule. I also want the transition for Z to go well, so please pray it does. Then there is just the transition of a new baby, laundry, cleaning, cooking, etc. that if I start to think of it all, I get overwhelmed. Please just be in prayer for me.

Alright, I'm off now as I have an early flight to catch HOME! Can't wait to introduce this little girl to you all! Thank you for all the prayers and much love!!

Keep Praying!

Chris is on a plane back to our home. I'm excited that he gets to go home to be with Zoelle. However, I am sad and jealous too as I was really hoping to be on that plane next to him. :( This afternoon my dad will fly in and I'm sure that will bring some special time together with two of his grandaughters. Keep praying for our paperwork to go thru quickly. Yesterday, I was told not until Thursday or Friday. At this point, my only prayer is to not have to wait out the weekend here in Georgia. I just want to be home, together as a family. I miss my Z, Mer misses her and is feeling sick (although a bit better), and I want to meet my new niece and introduce my new babe to our families. Sigh...it's gonna be a long week. Keep praying!

A Call For Prayer

I thought it was about time to update you all on how things are going. We are having fun just relaxing and enjoying our new little girl. She is doing well and maybe it's just my imagination but she seems to be recognizing our voices and calming when she hears them. We are definitely falling more and more in love. We know it's a risk, but she is well worth it.

We have until Monday, July 19th before we find out if she is ours or not. It will be and has been a long wait, but we are trusting God that this little girl is ours. We did have a phone conference yesterday with the birthmom and she reminded us that she is very at peace with her decision and very happy that this little girl is in our home. From the sound of it, she isn't going to change her mind. Please pray for "J" that she wouldn't change her mind and that she continues to have a peace about her decision.

Meanwhile, last night Meridian slept terrible after a rather fussy day. This morning, we then realized that she either has a cold/fever/runny nose or she is teething. Would you all pray that she gets better soon so that way she isn't so sick and fussy away from home.

Our plan right now is for Chris to go home on Tuesday and my dad will fly down Tuesday to help me with the girls until the ICPC paperwork goes thru so I can leave with the girls. We can leave before the 10 day revocation period is up, but if "J" changes her mind, we are required to bring the baby back down. Our plan is to go home as soon as ICPC goes thru so that way we can just get back to normal. Ideally though, it would be wonderful if on Monday we could get the call that ICPC gave approval and then I could go home with Chris and the girls. Would you all pray that could happen? Also, my dad has to be back by Friday so I am praying that for sure I can fly back no later than Friday so I have help with two little ones in the airport.

I cannot begin to thank you all for your kind words here or on our facebook. We so love and appreciate all of you. I know I've said it before, but without your prayers for us, "J", our family, and this little girl, we could not have done this. Not to mention the financial help so many of have generously given.

We love and appreciate you!

She's with us!

Our new little girl is with us and we couldn't be happier! :) She was born July 6, 2010 and joined our family July 8, 2010. I'll fill you in on all the details of the trip at a later date, but I do want to say we could feel and love your prayers anymore than we do. It has been a beautiful and perfect trip thus far. Thank you for praying!!

Here is a picture of her for all of you to enjoy.

She is 5 lbs. 14.3 oz. and 18 3/4 inches long. We will share her name when the 10 day revocation period is over.

We are on our way!

We are busy preparing to travel. Early tomorrow morning we get on a plane to go meet our little girl.

We have a few prayer requests.

1. That all travel would go well. Switching planes, getting the rental car, etc.

2. Tomorrow is a BIG day. We have two plane switches and a few lay overs before we get to our baby. Could you all just pray it would go smoothly, and that Meridian would nap and be a happy traveler!

3. I was a mess tonight saying goodnight to Zoelle. She doesn't understand why she isn't coming and she doesn't understand when we will be home. Please pray for her adjustment to go well and for her to have fun with her Grandma when we are gone.

4. Pray for the meeting with the birthmom to go smoothly. I'm nervous.

5. Please pray for ICPC to go thru quickly. Chris is not sure yet when he will return, but if ICPC would go thru either Monday or Tuesday, he could stay until then and travel home with us.

Thank you all for your love and prayers!! We will keep you updated!

It's a.....

At 3:37 a.m. a beautiful little girl was born. She was 5lbs. 14oz. I don't have the length. We aren't sharing a name yet as we want to wait the full 10 days, but for now, we have three little girls.

We are still figuring out travel, but it is looking like for Chris' sake the earliest we can leave is Thursday. Pray that we can get cheap flights, and easy travel for all.

Keep praying that God's will be done and that He reign in and thru us.

It's Time!

This morning we had our third phone conference with our birthmom. It was another wonderful conversation and she confirmed to us that she felt at peace about her decision, and we felt peace about ours.

Then, not a half hour ago, we got a call saying "J" was in labor at the hospital, ready to deliver. It looks as if we will be having a baby either on the 5th or the 6th of July. When the social worker asked if we wanted to get a call when the baby arrived, we said absolutely! So, we are staying up late tonight, making lists, cleaning the house, getting everything prepared!

Our biggest prayer right now is for "J" and the baby. Please pray for a safe and healthy delivery. Also, we are asking for prayers for travel. We still have no idea the logistics of travel at last minute. There is bound to be some stress, and I admit I'm nervous! Then I got a wonderful text from my sister saying, "I sought the Lord & He answered me, He delivered me from all my fears!".

So true and one I am leaning on tonight and in the coming days! Thanks for praying and I'll keep you all updated!