When God asks me to wait....again.

Sigh..here it is the end of November, National Adoption Month, and I feel as if I did nothing to support adoption. I mean sure I posted a few blog posts here and there and posted on facebook, but I'm not so sure that changes someone's heart?

What I really wanted to do this November was to change lives for adoption. To support adoptive parents, to support foster care, to support birth parents.

I wasn't sure how I was going to do it, but I really wanted to do it.

Not for me, but for them...the waiting children, the anxious birthmom, the lonely child. I wanted to help them.

And I'm pretty sure I failed.

I'll be honest, I'm really struggling with where to "fit in" in the adoption world. We aren't currently adopting, and I'm not sure we ever will again. Yet, after knowing the adoption world, I feel like I can't just step out of it and back into the "regular" world. If I did that, I'd feel like I was turning a blind eye to all the hurt, loss, need, and beauty in adoption.

So I sit here tonight with my tea in my hands wondering just where God would have us "fit in". What does He have for us?

I thought I knew, but now, now I'm just now sure. I feel lost, alone, and sad.

So I stand with my hands stretched wide asking God, "What now?" and like a whispered wind blowing across my heart, He tells me, "Wait daughter. Wait.".

So for now, I wait.

Reflecting on Xiomara

Dear baby girl,

It's November and November is National Adoption Month so I wanted to write a little letter to you.

I can't even begin to imagine what life would be like without you. Tonight as we were tucking all three of you in, your two sisters were both crying. I looked down at you, and there you were smiling with all that is in you that beautiful smile of yours back at me. I turned to your daddy and told him, "I know that no matter what is happening in our home, I can always look to Xiomara to put a smile on my face".

When we were waiting for you, we prayed that God would send us a little girl who was full of joy. That she would light up the room and charm everyone with her personality. That you do little peanut. That you do.

Snotty nose and all, we love you!

If you weren't here in our lives, it would be a lot dimmer. I wouldn't be feeling the pain of a fat lip from you head butting me? kicking me? in your sleep last night. :) I wouldn't get to hear you and Meridian squeal to each other as you fight yet again over another doll. I wouldn't get to see the pure delight on Zoelle's face as you give her those big smooches you do everyday to her!

And your daddy, he would not have that sparkle in his eye that I see him have every night when he looks across the table at you. As for me, who would I talk about to your daddy every night as I tuck you into bed and stare into your beautiful brown eyes? Whose little milk chocolate skin would I be able to massage each day just because I know she loves massages? Who would I be able to whisper to when no one else is listening but you, "You are so beautiful Xio. I love you. God has great plans for your life."

I'm so thankful that you came into our lives after two years of waiting. You were worth every second of that wait. Every agonizing minute of wonder. Every tear that poured down my face.

You were worth it.

You are worth it.

Adoption is worth it.

I love you Xiomara Marie.

Unadoptable is unacceptable!

I don't often blog about them, but I have 11 adopted younger siblings all through the foster care system. I grew up with one older biological sister and when I was 18, my parents adopted a sibling set of three. Two years later, they adopted a sibling set of six. Shortly before we adopted Xiomara, they adopted a sibling set of two.

I definitely have a heart for foster care. I will do anything I can to promote it. Thus when I recently got an email from the Dave Thomas Foundation For Adoption asking if I would share this video on my blogs, I said yes.

Because November is National Adoption Month. Because I love them. Because there are others like them who still need a family.